I have anger issues I think - Talk About Marriage


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Old Yesterday, 10:57 PM ? #2 (permalink)

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I feel like after everything I have been through my patience is just gone when it comes to core issues. I hate that and I don't know how to stop. I feel like he isn't anything like my ex and our MC validates that. He refuses to fight with me and then it just makes me feel like I'm the "crazy" one.

Honestly it's amazing I am able to function in a marriage at all when I think about it. I said for a long time that I could never get married again after what my ex put me through. And here I am, the angry one.

Yes, you are angry. And you absolutely must deal with your own anger issues in order to function properly in a relationship. You don't know how to stop? If your MC isn't giving you exercises and tools to stop, then find a new MC.

So he refuses to fight with you? I hope you realize how fortunate you are, because it sounds like you are just spoiling for a knock-down, drag-out fight.

And that will solve ... WHAT? Will it absolve your anger? Will it resolve your issues? Doubt it.

Uh, no offense intended, but you DO sound like the "crazy" one here. And I don't think you are crazy at all.

JMO, but I think behind every angry person is a very hurt person who doesn't want to face the hurt.

Maybe it is time for you to address the hurt and say to heck with the anger. Heal the pain, and the healing of anger will follow.

Again, JMO.

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Old Today, 03:20 PM ? #11 (permalink)

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Mavash said: Just the other night he did something that bothered me and I felt him withdrawing when I tried to discuss it with him. I took a deep breathe and started over. I came at him with love, compassion, patience and vulnerability. I kept my voice low and soothing. That totally worked.

Dealing with men like this takes skill. But you must be willing to humble yourself first to be able to do it and that isn't easy either.

So very true....about the humilty.

About coming to him with - love, compassion, patience and vulnerability. When I was younger, I had some anger issues going on....not too pleased with God... didn't like my family life/situation... my husband never seemed to take this personally -he knew it wasn't about him. I purposely read a couple books on ANGER to understand my emotions & do what I could do to get them in check.... this was all I needed, I even got a book on Humility -thinking I could Up this some.

My husband is like some of your husbands here, naturally more a peace maker -conflict not his thing... I have always been able to talk to him about anything though, he never clams up , tries to leave.... It is likely because I have always shown a vulnerable side, humble and sensitive before him.... if I hurt him or did anything wrong from my end, I was always quick to come to him, make it right...put my actions where my mouth was.... soothe him as best I could...until he was "with me in spirit" - this is so very important for connection..and leading another to feel safe with us.

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